To Live For, To Die For
by Oomaki-chan
Summary: After always being there for her, Allen managed to confess to Lenalee. But being in a relationship and being an exorcist don't mix very well. So while the good time come with the bad, will Lenalee and Allen be able to keep their secret love in tact?


The day had seemed normal when it first started. Hearing the sounds of groans and complaints that would come from everyone in the science department when they realized they had just pulled another all-nighter, and bringing them coffee in attempt to ease the pain. Going to the dining hall and sitting next to Allen as he swallowed enough food for thirty people. Avoiding her brother's clingy arms and constant reminder that he would never let anyone every take her from him. That was how just about every day started for her. But unfortunately, it soon took a turn for the worse.

As Lenalee had been making another coffee round, a finder came running in through the large double doors. He had called for Komui, claiming that it was urgent, and that alone set off the initial alarm for everyone. A panic began to spread amount everyone present at the time, and it only became worse when the chief of the Black Order emerged from his office with an uncharacteristically serious expression on his face. The tall man then made his way out of the large room, leaving everyone in it without any confermation as to what happened.

The female exorcist had exchanged a look with Reever, the head of the science department, before following after her brother. She could hear others following behind her, but she didn't look back as she found herself walking throu the endless hallways of the large building.

"Lenalee!" An all too familiar voice called out to the girl, who stopped and turned to see Allen jogging to catch up. "Do you know what's going on? Everyone seems to be in a panic of some sort."

The green haired girl shook her head. "I have no idea. Just now a finder came in and called for my brother, but I don't know anything else."

Allen seemed to think about it for a moment, but all thoughts were cut off when he saw the nervous look on Lenalee's face. He offered her a comforting smile and reached his right hand out to pat the shoulder. "Why don't we just go see what happened?"

Lenalee nodded and began walking once more. By now there were more people in the hallway, so even though she had lost sight of her brother, it wasnt too hard to figure out where to go. The pair made their way down the halls, soon joined by Lavi and Miranda, who also didn't know what had happened to cause the commotion. The fact that no one knew what was happening only made Lenalee more nervous than she had been before.

It wasnt long before they group arrived at the entrance to the large hall that was normally empty and unused. But instead of just being an open space, it was filled with coffins. The wooden boxes, all draped in memorial clothes, were practically mapped out across the floor. One man, a finder most likely, stood on a wooden box and held several pieces of paper. In a very loud voice, the finder read out the names of every single person who now lay lifeless in each coffin.

The sight was horrible. Lenalee covered her mouth with her hand and tried to keep down the urge to vomit. Instead however, she just felt tears begin to fall down her cheeks. How could this have happened? Why did it happen? The green haired girl wracked her brain for answers, only to come up empty handed and feeling even worse than she had before. An overwhelming mix of different emotions flowed through her before she turned around and suddenly sprinted out of the hall. She could hear bother but the sound of her shoes clacking against the stone floors as she ran, and even that faded away along with her awareness of what was around her. By the time she was able to realize where she was, Lenalee was already at her own bedroom door. She thanked her feet for subconsciously carrying her there as she opened the door in a rush and closed it behind her with the same amount of force. The crying girl sat on top of her bed and grabbed her pillow, cuddling it close to her chest as the tears continued to stream down her face.

Lenalee didn't remember falling asleep, but woke up to the sound of someone knocking on her door. Slowly, she stood up and made her way across the room, taking a deep breath before opening the door and seeing Allen on the other side.

"Are you ok?" The white haired boy asked her, his voice was filled with concern for the fellow exorcist.. Although, looking at her, he could tell she probably wasnt. While she looked fine physically, it was clear from her blood-shot eyes and the tear stains on her cheeks that she had been crying quite a bit.

Lenalee nodded slightly, but after a brief silence, she shook her head. "Could you come in?" She asked. "I kind of just want to talk to someone right now."

"Of course." Allen replayed. He had wanted to talk to Lenalee and make sure that she would be ok, and he had even been preparing to force his way to her if he needed to. So the fact that the girl had invited him in made him feel a bit relieved. He knew that if she was willing to talk, then it meant that she wasnt feeling as bad as she could be.

When Lenalle moved away from the door, Allen followed after her and closed the door after him. He watched as his friend moved to sit on top of her bed and hug her pillow close. Letting out a soft sigh, trying to be quite to that Lenalee wouldn't hear it, Allen crossed the room and sat on the floor in front of the bed, leaning back against the mattress. An awkward silence covered both of them as they each waited for the other to say the first words.

"I know that this job is dangerous," Lenalee was the first to talk. Her words were mostly muffled out by the pillow that she pressed her face into, but it was just clear enough for Allen to make out. "But nothing like that should ever happen. It horrible."

"I know." Allen agreed.

"Why do so many people die like that?" The green haired girl's voice cracked as she felt another wave of tears begin to pool in front of her eyes and overflow, only to be soaked up but the clothe that was against her face.

"It's unfortunate." Allen said calmly. He reached his right arm behind him and searched for Lenalee with it. Eventually he found her knee and rested his palm on top of it. He wanted to comfort her more than anything. "Every single one of those people gave their lives for the same reason we fight for. If we give up now, then their deaths would only be in vein."

"I know that." Lenalee said.

The room fell quite against, save for the light whimpers that would escape the girl's lips. Seeing that he wasnt doing a very good job at calming Lenalee down, Allen pushed himself up off the floor and sat on the bed next to the girl. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. He could feel her move her hands to clutch onto his shirt. The pair sat like that until Lenalee's body stopped trembling. It wasn't until she had finished crying once more that she sat up on her own.

He would be lying if he said that he didn't want to hold her longer, but right now Allen felt as though he needed to push that thought out of his head. Although he continued to have one arm around her shoulders, he would have much rather had her entirely in his arms.

"Sometimes I wonder what kind of life I'm going to end up with." Lenalee said as she wiped her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Allen raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"I don't know." The slight chuckle that Lenalee gave was reassuring enough to know that the teen would be fine after a little while longer. "I tend to think about how my life is here at the Order, then think about what my life could have been like if I wasn't an exorcist."

"What do you think that would have been like?" Allen asked with curiosity. He was more so interested in hearing what Lenalee dreamed of having more than anything at the moment. But at the same time it hurt to hear that she would often times think of a life spent without ever meeting him. Since she had grown to mean to much to him, he could only wish that she would feel the same. Although now it looked like that might not be the case.

"Me and my brother would have grown up in China. I could have gotten a job at a little shop somewhere, maybe a clothing shop. Or, if we had enough money, than maybe I could have gone to school." Lenalee seemed to go off into her very own dream world as she continued to explain this idea of hers. She had a small smile on her face, which was a relief considering the tears that she had been shedding just moments ago. "My brother probably wouldn't cling to me as much, so I would be able to go out and maybe even get a boyfriend. It's silly, but I've always dreamed of starting a family of my own some day."

"What's so silly about that?" Allen shrugged. "I'd love to have a family. I fact, I think anyone would."

"Yeah, but who in their right mind would be able to fall in love while working for the Black Order?" Lenalee's face grew dark again.

"Me." The blunt tone in Allen's voice startled Lenalee. She looked up at him with wide eyes for a moment.

"Allen." The slightly older girl called the boy's name in a near whisper. "Do you have someone you love?"

The heat seemed to rush to Allen's face when Lenalee had asked him that question. He was certain that he had a large blush across his cheeks, but he tried to take a few breaths to calm down his now rapid heart beat. He gulped down some of his nerves as he looked Lenalee in the eye. "Yes."

For some reason, Lenalle was almost disappointed. She didn't know why though. It was a good thing that Allen had been able to find someone he loved dispite everything he would have to go through as an exorcist, along with the fact that he probably wouldn't be able to see that person very much since he was always out on missions. She really should have been happ for him, right?

"She's a great person." Allen said. At this point he was barely thinking before he opened his mouth. "She's smart, beautiful and funny. She's always been there when I needed her, and she was one of the first people I met here at the Order. She accepted me without a second thought." The white haired boy looked over the girl who's bed he sat on and studied her. He could have sworn that she looked a little down at the way he described the girl he had grown to love. He couldn't even begin to figure out why though. Although he could hope that maybe, just maybe, she liked him as much as he liked her. He took another deep breath, this one a lot more shakes than the others he had taken. "That girl is you, you know?"

Lenalee's eyes went wide when she heard those words. "Wha-" Her sentence was left incomplete as she found herself lost for words. Her? She was the one he- But that wouldn't make any sence. Would it?

Allen smiled when he saw the reaction that Lenalee had. "I love you." He said surprisingly calmly. He lifted one arm to scratch the back of his head. "I just didn't want to tell you because of everything that's always going on. Between being an exorcist and dealing with Komui, I've honestly been scared to tell you."

Lenalee couldn't help the smile that formed on her lips. Allen was really the sweetest guy she had ever met. At a complete loss for words, Lenalee just leaned forward and gave Allen a hug. Unlike before when it had just been his arms around her, she had her arms wrapped tightly around him as she rested her chin on his shoulder. She could feel his arms move to hold her around her waist and pull her close. The warmth felt better than anything, and it was extremely comforting. For a moment, it had felt like she had forgotten everything that had happened that day, from the normal morning to the sickening deaths of all those people. And it wasnt long before Lenalee had fallen asleep again, this time however, in Allen's arms.


End file.
